Sharing life's lessons.

Posts tagged ‘self improvement’

How to be Less Judgmental: What’s Your 2,000 bits?

Every second of every day, you are bombarded with billions upon billions of bits of information.Bridge by Night Some sources say even as high as 400 billion. Out of all these bits of information, your brain can process and interpret a mere…..2,000 bits of information. That means roughly…. there are 399,999,998,000 bits of information you are missing out on every second.

Now…our subconscious absolutely loves when we encounter things that support our already formed beliefs. So, chances are,  the bulk of those 2,000 bits, is information that  support your beliefs.

Maybe you had bossy parents, or a bossy teacher that you didn’t really like. So you developed a belief that bossy people suck. Now your brain will actively look for people who are demonstrating bossy behaviors……. and it drives you nuts! Everywhere you go people are so damn bossy (or loud, rude, annoying, full of themselves, etc.). Why oh why do you always attract annoying bossy people!!!

If you want to be less judgmental, you have to become aware, that chances are, when you are judging people… you are only seeing the bits that already support those judgments.

Here is my challenge to you…think about what is your 2,000 bits…. and ask yourself do you really like what you see. Changing your 2,000 bits can be as simple as deciding that for the next 24 hrs you want to see happy people ( or whatever you want to see), and suddenly you will start seeing happy people. It may take some practice… but be patient with yourself.

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What is Trying?

Have you ever heard the expression, “either you do or you don’t, there is no trying”? This expression has always bugged me and I could never  figure out why. Thanks to some recent experiences I finally figured it out . Some one said to me just yesterday… and I am paraphrasing…. what is try, there is no try. You don’t try to get out of a chair, either you do or your don’t. That kind of made sense to me, but then I realized tonight…. as a reasonably healthy young woman with good knees, hips and back… that is really easy for me to say. For me getting out of a chair is simply either I do or I don’t. Then remembered a time when I hurt my back badly. Rolling over in bed was almost impossible, and getting out of a chair was even worse.

To me failing is not when you make an attempt and it doesn’t work, so you try again. To me failing at something, or not succeeding at it, is when you throw in the towel, throw your hands up and just give up and never try again.

Lets re-examine the chair analogy. You have a really bad back, and it restricts some of your movement. You make that effort, get 1/4 of the way to standing up, and your back just won’t stretch. You plunk down in your chair, take a few breaths and then attempt to get up again. You make it to 3/4 of the way this time, but still not quite there. You plunk down again. You haven’t failed yet, because you haven’t given up. Attempt number three, and YAY you make it all the way up. You succeeded!

I spent 5 1/2 years being very depressed, 6+ years with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it took me a very long time to figure out how to succeed at getting better. When someone tells me there is no trying, it is hurtful and feels like they are negating a lot of the efforts and work I put into getting better.( A small piece of advice to the do or don’t ‘ers out there. Be very careful who you say that to. It can be a great motivator for some but something terribly painful for others.)

By now you may be asking yourself, what then is trying? To me trying….. is the state where you haven’t failed, but you are still figuring out the right way to succeed.

In a simple sense they are correct. In the end, either you did it or you didn’t, but all the value of what you did, or realized that you couldn’t do, came from the trying.

I propose a new quote, one that does not negate people’s efforts.

” In the end, either you do, or you don’t. But the most important value and lessons come from being in the state of trying.”

Of course that is a work in progress. I may refine it, or I might leave it the same. Who knows. All I can do is try it, and see if it will be successful for me.