Sharing life's lessons.

Posts tagged ‘Self-help’

Your Daily Dose of Motivation

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This is one saying I remind myself of frequently. I often have fleeting bouts of motivation. If you are like me, then you may need to take a daily dose of motivation too…just like you take your vitamins.

I personally look for anything I find motivating, and then add it to my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/LearningToExhale

Recently, I also started a My Motivation board on Pinterest (http://www.pinterest.com/nephthyrian/my-motivation/ ).

This way when ever I need a dose of motivation I have it ready and waiting for me.

If anyone can recommend any other ways to get a daily does of motivation, please leave a comment!

How to be Less Judgmental: What’s Your 2,000 bits?

Every second of every day, you are bombarded with billions upon billions of bits of information.Bridge by Night Some sources say even as high as 400 billion. Out of all these bits of information, your brain can process and interpret a mere…..2,000 bits of information. That means roughly…. there are 399,999,998,000 bits of information you are missing out on every second.

Now…our subconscious absolutely loves when we encounter things that support our already formed beliefs. So, chances are,  the bulk of those 2,000 bits, is information that  support your beliefs.

Maybe you had bossy parents, or a bossy teacher that you didn’t really like. So you developed a belief that bossy people suck. Now your brain will actively look for people who are demonstrating bossy behaviors……. and it drives you nuts! Everywhere you go people are so damn bossy (or loud, rude, annoying, full of themselves, etc.). Why oh why do you always attract annoying bossy people!!!

If you want to be less judgmental, you have to become aware, that chances are, when you are judging people… you are only seeing the bits that already support those judgments.

Here is my challenge to you…think about what is your 2,000 bits…. and ask yourself do you really like what you see. Changing your 2,000 bits can be as simple as deciding that for the next 24 hrs you want to see happy people ( or whatever you want to see), and suddenly you will start seeing happy people. It may take some practice… but be patient with yourself.

Off-track again???

I am a person who frequently beats myself up, for being off-track…again! I set goals for myself, and somehow on the way to reaching them, I find myself off in the woods (metaphorically speaking).

I have been “off-track” since last January. Within the past few weeks, I found myself to be back on-track…again….out of the blue.  I do know, in the time since January, I have certainly learnt many lessons…. lessons that are going to be a great help to me now that I am on-track again.

So the question is, was I ever really off-track? Or maybe…I just took a detour, or even the scenic route.

I think when trying to reach a goal, too many people beat themselves up. They are so busy keeping their eyes firmly on the goal and running for it full tilt, that they miss the value of the journey around them.

So if you are finding yourself off-track again…take a minute to look around. Maybe there is something of value waiting for you where you are. And…stop beating yourself up! See this as just a detour in your journey. You might take a little longer than you would like to get to your goal… but you are still on the way.

What is Trying?

Have you ever heard the expression, “either you do or you don’t, there is no trying”? This expression has always bugged me and I could never  figure out why. Thanks to some recent experiences I finally figured it out . Some one said to me just yesterday… and I am paraphrasing…. what is try, there is no try. You don’t try to get out of a chair, either you do or your don’t. That kind of made sense to me, but then I realized tonight…. as a reasonably healthy young woman with good knees, hips and back… that is really easy for me to say. For me getting out of a chair is simply either I do or I don’t. Then remembered a time when I hurt my back badly. Rolling over in bed was almost impossible, and getting out of a chair was even worse.

To me failing is not when you make an attempt and it doesn’t work, so you try again. To me failing at something, or not succeeding at it, is when you throw in the towel, throw your hands up and just give up and never try again.

Lets re-examine the chair analogy. You have a really bad back, and it restricts some of your movement. You make that effort, get 1/4 of the way to standing up, and your back just won’t stretch. You plunk down in your chair, take a few breaths and then attempt to get up again. You make it to 3/4 of the way this time, but still not quite there. You plunk down again. You haven’t failed yet, because you haven’t given up. Attempt number three, and YAY you make it all the way up. You succeeded!

I spent 5 1/2 years being very depressed, 6+ years with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it took me a very long time to figure out how to succeed at getting better. When someone tells me there is no trying, it is hurtful and feels like they are negating a lot of the efforts and work I put into getting better.( A small piece of advice to the do or don’t ‘ers out there. Be very careful who you say that to. It can be a great motivator for some but something terribly painful for others.)

By now you may be asking yourself, what then is trying? To me trying….. is the state where you haven’t failed, but you are still figuring out the right way to succeed.

In a simple sense they are correct. In the end, either you did it or you didn’t, but all the value of what you did, or realized that you couldn’t do, came from the trying.

I propose a new quote, one that does not negate people’s efforts.

” In the end, either you do, or you don’t. But the most important value and lessons come from being in the state of trying.”

Of course that is a work in progress. I may refine it, or I might leave it the same. Who knows. All I can do is try it, and see if it will be successful for me.

Discoveries of Yourself Pt 3 : What is the Illusion?

Recently I have been bombarded with messages saying that I need to let go of the illusion. Or that the illusion is what is holding me back. I didn’t like those messages, because I thought they were telling me that I had to give up playing role-playing games. I really enjoy role-playing games….and have found them to be beneficial in my self development. I have made tremendous discoveries about myself…. discoveries that came from role-playing ( see Discoveries of Yourself pt1 & 2 if you want to read about my previous discoveries)

Today I had a light bulb moment….. role-playing is not the illusion. The illusion is in fact, believing that my brain can tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. It is a scientifically proven fact that when people are told to imagine something, or a situation, that their brains light up the exact same way that it would if they were actually experiencing it. The illusion is thinking that reality has more of an impact than my imagination can.

Everyone has inside them, their own world, of dreams, wishes, fears, fantasies and much, much more. The illusion is thinking that what we perceive as reality has more impact on us than the world we have inside ourselves. The truth is, that the world we have inside of ourselves can have just as much as an impact if not more if we allow it.

Right now, I am going to go meditate with myself (in my way), to discover the beautiful world that I have inside of me. I am going to learn to let go of the illusion so that my inner beauty can prevail, instead of letting the negativity of reality bring me down. When I do that, my inner beauty will shine like a beacon and just maybe, help brighten this world for someone else.

Discoveries of Yourself Pt.2 : How to be Less Judgemental

In a previous post I talked about role-playing games and how they have helped me discover different things about myself.  Lately I have been thinking alot about my character Aniu, and how she reflects on me.

Aniu is a First Nations, werewolf, teenager. She was very judgemental, self-entitled and self-absorbed. Her destiny was to one day lead her tribe, but she didn’t want to. Because of her attitude the spirits gave her a proverbial slap upside the head, and showed her a vision of what would happen if she didn’t follow her destiny. Also because of her extreme judgemental attitude, the spirits took away her sight so that she could learn to “see” the world in new  ways.

I myself use to be a very judgemental person. All my life I was judged harshly by others, and I just continued in that cycle. I would look at people and just make snap judgements about them. I have also never been much of a person for meditation; me and meditation just don’t get along very well. Instead I would sit, and close my eyes, and just focus on my other senses. It is amazing the things you can hear when you really focus on just your hearing. Did you know that electricity makes quite a loud hum, if you listen for it….. or that hot water makes a different sound than cold water (at least with the water that comes out of my taps). You can even learn how to tell who just approached you, simply by the sound of their footsteps. You can also do this exercise for smell, taste and touch.

Now you have learned to focus on your other senses…. rather than just relying on your eyes. This can be very helpful when you encounter someone. Look at them, but before making any judgements, let your other senses tell you information too. Look at their body language, listen to their tone of voice, listen to their words but also hear the meaning behind them. Use every sense you can think of to evaluate the situation. By taking the time to go through this process you have changed the process. Instead of just using your eyes and making a snap judgement……. you have slowed the process down, and the longer that you can delay making that snap judgement, the better the chances that you will make an informed opinion instead.

There is a big difference between forming an informed opinion about someone and judging them harshly, but it will take time to change your brain process. If you are a judgemental person like I was ( and still am sometimes), then your judgemental muscle is very strong. Your informed opinion muscle , on the other hand, is weak. Don’t worry if you can’t stop those snap judgements right away; your strongest muscle will always dominate. But, if every time you flex that judgemental muscle, you take a moment to also flex your informed opinion muscle, eventually the informed opinion muscle will come to dominate.

Do Be Do Be Do Be Do

The Quantum Activist poster, I am getting this...

The Quantum Activist poster, I am getting this movie (Photo credit: Alin S)

Do Be Do Be Do Be Do……. my favourite words from Quantum Physicist  Dr. Amit Goswami. Those words come from his documentry  The Quantum Activist which is a fantastic film about bridging the gap between quantum physics and religion/spiritualism. Some people are Do people……always doing things. I like to compare them to race car drivers……foot always on the throttle, always doing something. Then suddenly they stomp on the brake and simply be for just a moment before they hit the throttle and are off again. Then you have the Be people, who are like Sunday drivers. They go along at a slow pace, just simply being, and not doing very much. Heck….. the aren’t even doing the speed limit!

For many years I was a very big Be person. I made a life out of simply exsisting and not doing very much. Now a days I am more of a Do Do Do Be Be Be person. I Do things until I tire myself out, or I simply Be until I start to panic. When I need to keep balance in my life, I like to sit back and imagine myself dancing around my basement singing Do Be Do Be Do Be Do. It is a bit of a silly image, but it lifts my spirits and reminds me to relax and take a break, or that its time to get off my behind and do something again.

I encourage you all to try the practice of Do Be Do Be Do Be Do. Notice I said practice, because it is something that will take time to adjust to. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t do it,  right from the start. If you are a big Do person, and you manage to simply Be, even for just 10 min, then good job!  If you are a big Be person, then try doing something, even if it is as simple as walking to the end of the driveway. Don’t get discouraged that you couldn’t do it long term, pat yourself on the back, and congratulate yourself for having the courage to try! It is like my Yoga Master says when we are holding the sleeping tiger position….. if you can hold this position for just 10 seconds more than you did yesterday….. then you have made progress. Try the Do Be Do Be Do Be Do practice…… for 10 seconds, 10 min, an hour, a day or a week…..whatever is an attainable goal for you. Then, everyday, or week, try and do it for just a little bit longer. Everyday you will improve, and before you know it, you will be living a more balanced life.