Hello everyone. I have used this blog to help me share life’s lesson with other people. One of my most recent lessons, was that I don’t love myself…. at least not us much as I thought I did. The journey into learning to love yourself is huge task on it’s own. Because of this I have started another blog called Learning to Inhale. It is the place where I will share my journey into loving myself…. and hopefully help some other people in their journey’s as well. I hope you all decide to check it out. http://learningtoinhale.wordpress.com/
I am a strong believer in the law of attraction, and for the most part I seem to be pretty good at it. Anything I truly set my mind to, ends up coming into my life. The only exception to this was trying to attract a partner. I tried, and tried, and tried…. for almost 2 years with pretty much no success. I tried various techniques……making a very detailed list of what I wanted, to a very small list and let the universe fill in the rest. Nothing seemed to work at all.
Finally one day I got so pissed off and frustrated, I just screamed at the universe inside my head. “FINE! You don’t want to send me someone that I want then send me someone that I need.” And with that I released the need to know how…the need to decide what that person was going to be like…I just let go. I was so fed up with waiting, that I just let go of the outcome and just accepted what may come.
About a week after I let go, I met someone. He may not be everything that I wanted… but he is certainly everything that I need. I very much wanted someone who would help me grow on my journey and had assumed that would come from someone who is very spiritual. What I didn’t realize is that I am very proficient with being spiritual… what I really need is someone who grounds me. Also, I am in the process of starting my own coaching practice… and this new, science minded man in my life reminded me that there are a lot of people out there who are not comfortable with spiritual language and who still prefer the scientific terminology. I was about to start my new company…and because I am a spiritual person, assumed everyone would understand what I had to say, on my terms…. I was about to alienate a large amount of the population, right out of the gate.
Now… I am not saying this is “the guy”, I have only know him 3 weeks…. but he is, without a doubt, the man that I need in my life right now.
If you are having trouble manifesting something in your life… ask yourself… is it something you need… or something you just want. The universe is far wiser than you…maybe you just need to let go of what you think you want… and let it give you what you need.
I was at Yoga last night and I had an epiphany. We were doing some stretches and everyone else was joking around. I thought to myself, great another place where I don’t really belong. Now, I was having fun but I felt as if they were all sharing a bond that I wasn’t part of. It was in that moment my epiphany came.
I DO belong here. Here in this place, in this moment with these people is exactly where I belong. Every lesson I need to learn to help me expand and grow as a person has come from being in the right moment, in the right place and from having the people that I needed to have, in my life.
For everyone out there…. you are where you belong and need to be, in order to grow and learn in some way. If you don’t like where you are, you better figure out why you are there, so that you can move onto a better situation and a better life. Or maybe, you will find out that where you are is actually pretty good, you just haven’t been looking at it the right way.
Everyone one on this earth is exactly, precisely where they need to be and where they belong for their personal journey. And, since we can never fully understand someone else’s life…. there is no human on this earth that has the right to tell you otherwise, unless you choose to give them that power.
A few months ago I was at a workshop and we were discussing the generalizations that people often use. Always, never, no one, etc.
The phrase that stuck in my mind was….” Well, she never understands.” I thought to myself, well my mother never does understand… she never understands me, she never understands my choices….. she just does not understand. Over these months I have come to realize…. that in fact my mother does understand, but….. she understands in her way.
For years I have been very frustrated with her because she never sees things my way… we constantly butt heads. Then I came to realize that if she did see this world the way I do, and understand it the way I do…. then she would be me. All these years of being angry at her, but yet, I never gave any respect or consideration for how she sees the world. What right do I have to say that my perceptions and understandings are more right than hers?
Coming to this conclusion then lead me to an even deeper one. There is no way for us to see the world as someone else sees it 100%. There is no way we can know someone’s life or past 100%. Heck, I would even go as far as saying we don’t even know ourselves 100%. So if we don’t know or understand or see the things absolutely the same way someone else does…… what right do we have to judge them and their choices?
Now you might be thinking to yourself, well there is only 1 way to see the world…. grass is green, the sky is blue, water is wet…… it’s a
fact not a perception. I am here to challenge that. When I was in high school I had a friend who was about 5’4″ (approx 162 cm) and I was also dating a guy who was 6’2″ (188 cm). If you asked my friend…. she would describe me as tall, but if you asked my boyfriend he said I was short. It is impossible to be both tall and short at the same time…. but yet, I was, based on their individual perceptions. For the record I am about 5’8″ (172 cm), which I think is average ( guess that makes me extra special, short, tall and average all at the same time =D ).
Everything you see, hear, smell, taste….. is all perception. And, everything you perceive gets filtered through your past, what youwere taught growing up, your beliefs, etc. You probably perceive things in certain ways because of stuff that you don’t even remember. So if you don’t understand why you perceive things the way you do, what right do you have to judge the way anyone else sees things? I say…lets all stop judging and just start living….. life free of judgement is so much more open and joyous!
Just this past Friday I had an appointment with my life coach and our discussion has led to some interesting discoveries. We were talking about energetic shielding (how to shield yourself from other people’s energy), and I said that I didn’t like doing that. After 33 years of being very sensitive to others moods and having a strong intuition, I felt like I was cutting off one of my senses. She invited me to explore the possibility that after all these years of others influence, that for the first time, I was truly alone with myself. Also, that I should explore who I am without the influence of others.
At first this was a truly daunting task; without the influence of others, I am nothing (or at least that’s how it felt in there). Then I came to realize that without all those experiences with others, I would be nothing. Life is all about learning and interacting with others. This made me happier and I was fine with that for a few days.
Tonight as I was trying to fall asleep, I came to a very profound conclusion. I realized that yes my past helped shape who I am…. but only if I choose to let it. Who I am, is who I choose to be in this very moment. I choose if my past experiences influence my present in positive or negative ways. I choose how I act towards others. If I am being irritated by someone because they are doing “enter whatever here” AGAIN, that is because I am choosing to let it. I could also choose to view the same situation in a calm way.
I leave for you a few beautiful lyrics from a great song, as you think about who you choose to be.
We should think about,
what we got right now,
cause the good things are made up of time.
Smile to your problems,
leave the past behind.
Never forget this.
Find the truth in your soul,
keeping you alive.
Going on from minute to minute.
Don’t shade the future,
with all that’s behind.
Live for today.
Now is Forever - Eiffel 65
Have you ever heard the expression, “either you do or you don’t, there is no trying”? This expression has always bugged me and I could never figure out why. Thanks to some recent experiences I finally figured it out . Some one said to me just yesterday… and I am paraphrasing…. what is try, there is no try. You don’t try to get out of a chair, either you do or your don’t. That kind of made sense to me, but then I realized tonight…. as a reasonably healthy young woman with good knees, hips and back… that is really easy for me to say. For me getting out of a chair is simply either I do or I don’t. Then remembered a time when I hurt my back badly. Rolling over in bed was almost impossible, and getting out of a chair was even worse.
To me failing is not when you make an attempt and it doesn’t work, so you try again. To me failing at something, or not succeeding at it, is when you throw in the towel, throw your hands up and just give up and never try again.
Lets re-examine the chair analogy. You have a really bad back, and it restricts some of your movement. You make that effort, get 1/4 of the way to standing up, and your back just won’t stretch. You plunk down in your chair, take a few breaths and then attempt to get up again. You make it to 3/4 of the way this time, but still not quite there. You plunk down again. You haven’t failed yet, because you haven’t given up. Attempt number three, and YAY you make it all the way up. You succeeded!
I spent 5 1/2 years being very depressed, 6+ years with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it took me a very long time to figure out how to succeed at getting better. When someone tells me there is no trying, it is hurtful and feels like they are negating a lot of the efforts and work I put into getting better.( A small piece of advice to the do or don’t ‘ers out there. Be very careful who you say that to. It can be a great motivator for some but something terribly painful for others.)
By now you may be asking yourself, what then is trying? To me trying….. is the state where you haven’t failed, but you are still figuring out the right way to succeed.
In a simple sense they are correct. In the end, either you did it or you didn’t, but all the value of what you did, or realized that you couldn’t do, came from the trying.
I propose a new quote, one that does not negate people’s efforts.
” In the end, either you do, or you don’t. But the most important value and lessons come from being in the state of trying.”
Of course that is a work in progress. I may refine it, or I might leave it the same. Who knows. All I can do is try it, and see if it will be successful for me.
I am here to let the whole world know…..that I am a fraud! And saying that completely empowers me. These past few weeks I have been reading a book called Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can by Caroline Myss*. For quite sometime now I have been feeling that I was not being true, or authentic. I would read spiritual and self-help books, go to work shops, buy stones and crystals, watch documentaries and wonder why in the hell none of this stuff would work for me. Maybe little changes would happen but not anything drastic. While reading the above mentioned book I came to several conclusions.
1) I am a fraud. I thought I knew my true self. I thought I was a spiritual person. I thought I was mostly healed. The truth, I am still just a terrified little girl. I had done such a great job of convincing, that I even had myself fooled.
2)I hold onto my wounds because I think that without them, there will no longer be anything special about me. Also, if I get rid of them, then I have to behave like a grown up… and actually have to deal with people’s expectations. Also I would actually have to become responsible…. and if I am responsible then I may screw up and let somebody down.
3)That buying the stones, or reading the books…etc. would change me. I was expecting the tools to do all the work for me instead of them helping me do the work myself.
For a long time I would use the excuse that me and meditation don’t get along. The truth is that I didn’t want to be alone with my mind, because I didn’t want to see the truth. I go to the gym, but never commit to an exercise plan because then I may become healthy. I would read self-help and spiritual books, and do the work in my mind, but never actually do the work because I didn’t want to get better.
Being depressed was one of the scariest times of my life, and I never want to go back there, so I do just enough work on myself to get myself to ok. But, I would never do enough to be great, because being great was just as scary as being depressed. Some people yo-yo diet…well I yo-yo self-help myself…. do work on myself until I just started to feel great. Then…uh-ohs……. can’t be great, have to stop and go back to sitting on the computer all day. Then I would sit around and do pretty much nothing until I started to feel depression starting to set in. Then it would be …..uh-ohs….. can’t be depressed, got to get up and do something. I bounce back and forth between the two endlessly.
Now that I have admitted to myself that I am a fraud, I feel this tremendous weight lifted off of me, like I can finally breathe again. Now that I know what is truly inside of me, I feel that I can take the steps needed to a genuine authentic life. I am finally no longer afraid to walk my talk.
*To the best of my recollection, Caroline Myss does not actually call people frauds in her book. That is just my own personal conclusion about me.
Many times in my life, I have had difficulty finding happiness. I would obsess about all the bad things, or all the things going wrong. I have studied the Law of Attraction, and I knew to change things, I had to change how I thought and how I felt, but, I just couldn’t seem to be able to create happiness and gratitude when my life sucked so bad. Today I had an epiphany. I have been living my life in a state, where I was assuming that this crapiness was going to go on forever. I saw no end. But, by believing that it wouldn’t end, I was reinforcing exactly what I didn’t want. The reality is…that there is an end. Life is all about change. Life changes wether we want it to or not, and it does so pretty quickly. So, whatever it is that you are going through, the end is coming. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I think something is endless, I tend to hunker down and just bear it. When I know the end is coming near, that’s when I raise up my head, breathe, and look around. I begin to feel hopeful about what new beginning might be coming.
I am here today to tell you, that the end is coming, wether you see it or not, it is coming. Nothing, and I mean nothing in life lasts forever. Whatever you are going through is just another temporary situation put in your life to help you grow on your journey Now here’s the big question. The pressure of endlessness has been removed from your shoulders. When this door closes, and a new one opens…do you want more bad stuff….or do you want something wonderful? You create your future with what you are thinking and feeling right now. For me, I chose the wonderful, and just knowing that there is an end, and I have decided that I am going to have something wonderful come…is enough to make me happy. Yes, there are still things in my life that aren’t great and are hard to cope with, but I choose to look at them in a positive way, and I am grateful to have these difficult situations because they are going to help me grow.
What do you choose?